A Reddit user accused of “ruining” her cousin’s wedding after her boyfriend was uninvited was right to think the situation was a little odd and to speak up about it, said other users on the platform as well as an etiquette expert this week.
“AITA for, apparently, ruining my cousin’s wedding?” asked Reddit user “Lusse-Eldalion” in a recent post on the “Am I the A–hole” (AITA) subreddit.
The woman said she’s 28 years old and is “incredibly close, practically like sisters” to her 26-year-old cousin, who’s getting married in December.
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“We’ve shared everything from childhood memories to discussing our love lives. I’ve always been there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever a guy broke her heart,” the woman wrote.
In the Reddit writer’s home country, which she did not disclose, she said that “everyone pays for their own seat at the table” at weddings.
The woman wrote that she’s been dating her boyfriend for four years, and the couple intend on getting married after they’re finished with school. Her cousin has not yet met her boyfriend in person, “only through video calls.”
She wrote, “I’ve extended invitations for her to visit and meet him numerous times, but due to her busy schedule, she’s never been able to make it. Conversely, I’ve made the effort to travel to her city and meet her [boyfriend].”
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The two “were eagerly anticipating the moment when they would finally meet at her wedding, and we had even discussed it during our last conversation. We had dreams of traveling the world together, making plans, and continuing to be the inseparable duo, now four, we’ve always been,” wrote “Lusse-Eldalion” in her post.
This, however, apparently will not happen.
“My mom received a call from my aunt (my cousin’s mom) delivering unexpected news,” the woman wrote. “They had decided not to invite significant others of family members to the wedding due to budget constraints, while still allowing the partners of her friends to attend.”
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This, wrote the woman, “felt like a slap in the face, particularly after all the anticipation we had shared about [she] and her partner finally meeting mine at her wedding.”
She continued, “I couldn’t shake the feeling that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some of whom had let her down multiple times in the past, and that they take me for granted.”
Her boyfriend getting uninvited “left me feeling devastated,” said the woman. “It wasn’t just about not being invited anymore; it felt like I had lost a piece of my family. All the plans we had made together suddenly evaporated.”
Her boyfriend, who said he was not angry, “understandably questioned the value of investing in future vacations with someone who hadn’t even invited him to their wedding.”
She added, “It hurt even more that my cousin didn’t have the courage to tell me herself; instead, she had her mom relay the message through mine.”
When “Lusse-Eldalion” said she was disappointed, multiple members of her family “accused me of ruining my cousin’s wedding day by speaking up.”
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“They argued that it was her day, and she had the right to do as she pleased,” she said.
“However, I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal,” the woman wrote.
She asked others, “So, AITA for speaking up?”
In the nearly 400 responses to the post, most Reddit users agreed the situation was very strange — and that the woman was “not the a–hole” for asking questions, and certainly did not “ruin” a wedding that is still months away.
An etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the situation was unusual and that the situation could have been handled better by the cousin.
“It’s understandable to feel hurt about the timing and how it was delivered,” California-based expert Rosalinda Randall told Fox News Digital in an email.
Randall also defended the woman for speaking up.
“You are not an a–hole for bringing it up and voicing your opinion, unless it is viewed as poor behavior in your country,” Randall said.
She continued, “Perhaps calling your cousin directly and speaking to her would have been a better option. Not that things would have changed.”
In a follow-up post, the woman said that after speaking to her cousin, “it seems like it was a mix of her own decision and her mother’s influence” to uninvite significant others of family members.
“Long story short, she is considering making an exception for my boyfriend, but she couldn’t confirm yet (she said she wouldn’t know until last minute),” she said.
By speaking to her cousin, the woman said she also learned the truth: The cuts were not made for financial reasons, but because her cousin does not like some of the other cousins’ boyfriends.
“She simply didn’t want to see them at the wedding,” wrote the woman. “Her solution was to exclude any family boyfriends (including mine) from the guest list.”
This confession, however, did not make things better — as the cousin claimed she would try to invite the boyfriend at the last minute.
“We didn’t argue, but we weren’t as sweet to each other as we usually are,” she said, adding she did not ever even ask for an exception to the rule or try to change the guest list.
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“The only thing I complained about was not being told by her directly, absolutely nothing else,” she said. “The ‘exception’ thing was only her doing, not mine.”
The woman added that her relatives who had said she was ruining the wedding had not apologized, and she did not think they would.
“I’m at a loss for how to feel about all this. I think there were far more tactful ways to handle the situation. I can’t even decide if this revelation makes things better or worse.”
In a reply to the updated post, a Reddit user suggested that the woman and her boyfriend do their own thing on her cousin’s wedding day.
“Your cousin has a spine of cooked spaghetti,” said “Swedishpunsch.”
“Here’s a good reason not to go to this wedding: Be on your own honeymoon that day. Elope or go to the courthouse, and book your trip.”
Fox News Digital reached out to the original poster for further comment and updates.
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