Happy Tuesday, everybody. Oh, you look scrumptious. I could eat every one of you, and I just might. All right. The ladies of “The View” have now expressed regret over their treatment of Kate Middleton, saying they, “fell down a rabbit hole.” Which raises a key question: how the hell did they fit? The LA and Miami homes of rapper Sean Combs have been raided by Homeland Security in connection with a sex trafficking investigation. In other news, Combs is changing his name from Diddy to Didn’t.
Jill Biden spent Sunday morning at a SoulCycle spin class. To make her feel at home, some of the cyclists fell over. A new study claims that your facial features may have been influenced by what your mother ate during pregnancy. If that’s true, then Nancy Pelosi’s mom ate a lot of Tupperware. A new poll finds that 73% of voters are fine with the term “illegal immigrant.” The remaining 27% of voters were illegal immigrants. McDonald’s just announced plans to sell Krispy Kreme donuts. Yeah. In response, you’ll never guess who took the day off to celebrate.
PICTURE OF BRIAN STELTER
It’s never gonna end. All right, let’s do a monologue.
And so, Florida forbids social media for kids. Governor Ron DeSantis just signed a bill making it illegal for kids under 14 to join a social media platform, while requiring parental permission for 14 and 15-year-olds. Any existing social media account created by a child under 14 must be deleted by the company. Failure to do so could expose the company to expensive fines and lawsuits. Weird. The measure has received bipartisan support. Odd. The last thing to receive bipartisan support was the “Let’s throw Jesse Watters into a vat of boiling oil bill.” I co-sponsored that one.
But it’s refreshing that even some Democrats want to protect kids, especially in Florida, where Dems would rather pleasure an alligator than admit DeSantis is right. I’m glad we put the little black thing over his eyes. Don’t want any lawsuits from the reptile community. Oh, I never forget a jawline. Of course, Florida is expecting a challenge that it violates the First Amendment, which, ironically, will come from the same people who want adults banned for asking a woman at Planet Fitness to throw on a jockstrap. But they’re ready for it. Here’s Florida House Speaker Paul Renner.
PAUL RENNER: You will not find a line in this bill that addresses good speech or bad speech, because that would violate the First Amendment. We’ve not addressed that at all. What we have addressed is the addictive features that are at the heart of why children stay on these platforms for hours and hours on end.
Yeah, he’s talking about notification alerts and autoplay videos, which make social media as addictive as my legendary back rubs. The secret? No hands. But the content of the speech isn’t at issue. There’s no viewpoint discrimination. The idea is that social media itself is harmful to kids, not just any particular message being sent on it. Keep in mind, DeSantis already vetoed another version of this bill that would have banned social media for anyone under the age of 16. Why does this matter? Good question. Well, young brains aren’t like adult brains. Like Joe Biden’s dinner, they’re mushy and unformed.
LAWMAKERS PUSH TO RAISE MINIMUM AGE FOR SOCIAL MEDIA TO 16: ‘IT’S ABOUT TIME’
These brains are not fully developed until the mid to late 20s. Or in my case, the mid to late never. Those growing brains can’t handle the constant bombardment of bullying, peer pressure, gender indoctrination, climate change, panic and racial hysteria. They’ll have plenty of time for that. You know, when they go to college. Now, does this law limit a child’s freedom? Yes. Does our society limit a child’s freedom already? Yes. You got to be 16 to drive a car. 18 to vote. You got to be 21 just to legally drink a beer. We don’t let kids smoke cigarettes either no matter how sexy it makes them look. But all of those things are arguably less damaging than putting a child on TikTok or putting TikTok into a child’s brain.
Do you remember how social media took off? It was something called Facebook. Why was it called Facebook? Mark Zuckerberg created it at Harvard to judge the looks of other classmates. Which is funny, given that Zuckerberg looks like something you’d find stuck to a glue trap. So it began as something that would make people feel like crap. Then we shouldn’t be surprised how many people feel like crap now because of it. But Facebook exploded mainly because people wanted to check out who got fat after high school. Along the way, it became much more a way to share information and news faster than we could have ever imagined.
And without thinking much, the adults let the kids have access without pondering the long term consequences it could have on those kids. And they were able to share and soak up bad content faster than a urinal cake at a Port Authority restroom. We’re talking stuff that risks their lives with idiotic stunts, insane, delusional rants that tell them there are 72 genders, creeps that tell them anorexia is cool, obesity is a plus and body mutilation is a rebellion against patriarchy. Social media is the largest medical experiment in history, where we allow strangers to pump in a powerful toxic drug right into kids’ vulnerable brains.
It’s not a fair fight for the parents or their brats. It’s tough enough being a kid as it is, especially if they’re slow and can’t outrun my van. But social media makes it even tougher, and the developers are well aware that these apps are distracting and destructive. In China, where TikTok was created, content’s filtered so kids under 14 only see videos about patriotism, science and education, and with a limit of 40 minutes per day. After that, get back to work, kiddo. Those Nike’s won’t stitch themselves.
But today you have predators pretending to be activists bent on bending your kid into something unrecognizable. So stopping it isn’t a crazy idea, right? If we want to let kids be kids, then it’s time for adults to act like adults. Instead of shrugging, maybe protect them instead of burying our faces in our phones, we should take a look on what’s what’s on theirs.
So kudos to DeSantis for slamming on the brakes. After all, 14-year-olds in Florida, they shouldn’t be on TikTok. They should be on Cops where they belong. Streaming right now on Fox Nation.
