Rob Schneider looked to “cancel” cancel culture with his illustrious stand-up comedy special “Rob Schneider: Woke Up in America,” a hilarious take on the current events of modern America that debuted on Fox Nation earlier this week.
The actor and comedian proved he hasn’t lost his luster, keeping the audience in stitches by wisecracking on everything from today’s culture wars, COVID-19 mask mandates and his own vasectomy to making a movie with Donald Trump.
Schneider told “Fox & Friends” on Monday that the secret to modern comedy comes from appealing to the demand for someone who isn’t afraid to push back against censorship or “go against the grain.”
Here are some can’t-miss moments from the actor-comedian’s latest endeavor, exclusively available on Fox Nation:
Schneider said he voted for Trump – a few times – in 2016.
“It was in California, and I was writing on my kitchen counter – I had the ballot because, you know, in California, they mail you like 100 of them,” he joked. “I was just filling them out. Not all of them. I’m not an a–hole, but you know three or four… five at the most.”
Beyond voicing his support for the former president, he shared that not only had he starred in the film Home Alone 2: Lost in New York with him, but he also had stories to tell about judging the Miss USA pageant in 2008 and appearing on “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno.
He brushed shoulders with Trump both times and, during the latter instance, was called out by Leno for telling a funny joke about the former president backstage.
“The difference between me and Donald Trump is, when I got started, my dad didn’t give me $40 million,” he jested. The moment prompted Trump to call him a liar – on more than one occasion.
The California comedian obviously has a love-hate relationship with The Golden State. He takes a crack at the exodus from blue states like California and New York, telling the audience of Floridians that they’re bringing their unique lifestyles – rife with yoga pant and, of course, vegan diets – with them.
“You put up with so much. You’re so kind. You have people every day, just running over your border, just flooding into Florida,” he said of the massive blue state exoduses driving people to The Sunshine State.
“If you want to f— them [Californians] up, give them a piece of cheese,” he joked, implying they are all – at least in large numbers – dairy free.
In Schneider’s mind, everybody knows the answer that some claim only biologists can give.
“A woman is someone who gets mad at you for what you did three f—ing years ago… a biological fact.”
Making a series of jokes that subtly take aim at the culture war battle fought over what constitutes a woman, he answered the question of “what is a woman?” in his own way, joking that they “use their tires as curb feelers” and wake men up at two in the morning to kill spiders because they’re too afraid to do it themselves.
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Schneider poked fun at the protocols in place during the height of the pandemic in 2020 and 2021, remarking how insane it was to keep people from places like salons and gyms while opening them up to restaurants and grocery stores.
Even crazier? Standing up at a restaurant meant you could contract the virus, but, as Schneider quipped, “the virus will fly right over your f—ing head.”
“We’re very lucky. It’s a selective virus,” he joked. “You wanna go to the gym? Dead. Haircut? Dead. Nails done? Dead. Church? DEAD. You wanna go to Target or Walmart? Come on in. The virus knows you need some s—.”
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Schneider even poked fun at his life at home during the special, telling a story about a time his wife was stung by a scorpion as well as giving a very candid description of what it’s like to live at his place – in the Arizona desert.
“It’s 120 f—ing degrees,” he said. “[And there] are f—ing coyotes that eat your f—king pets.”
He joked that, after moving to Arizona a scorpion dared to sting his wife during their first week in the new house, but she wasn’t the one who was upset about the ordeal.
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To hear more in-depth stories and Schneider’s full stand-up routine, subscribe to Fox Nation and stream “Rob Schneider: Woke Up in America.”
